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Chapter 6: In love


I’m in love.

Truly Madly Deeply.

Just like in this old famous song.

I can remember times when I was laying in my King-Size bed in my old home, in my country of origin. Do not think that I had money because of the size of my bed, it was just on a super sale and I could finally stop sleeping on my small old couch. First days were great and I cannot lie. Your other brothers can´t deny. But what other brothers. I was alone. There were no other people in my bed. And it surprisingly made me desperate.

I don´t know, I was always feeling this way. It was all about my appearances like weight, not-so-great boobies, and unclear skin. My mother was not making it better. She was a single Mom, with her own insecurities. I will forgive her someday, but today is not the day. She made me feel bad about my body so I was desperately falling in love with every boy I saw but I was always sure that nobody could love me.

So you can imagine how bad it was for me, a 17-year-old girl, who only had very, very bad sex once. Guess what I was doing all the time. Yeah, right, I was cuddling with pillows and watching romcoms almost every night in bed. I was even snacking and binge eating more and more often in bed. So it made me gain much weight. Aaaand made me even more desperate.

After five or six short-term unsuccessful relationships I moved to Germany when I was 19. I will write about them soon but now I just want to show you how unexpectedly can love appear in your life. So in Germany, there are like 1000 boys per girl on Tinder. I was sitting at home, swiping right the handsome boys and feeding my insecure-self with this attention. So I choose the best ones and started to meet them. Of course it lead me to one very strange one night stand almost 50 km away from my home. The guy was nice, great in bed but like he almost didn´t talk to me.

The morning after we fucked again, I ate an Orange and left. With him, of course, because there was 2kms(more than 1 mile) till the nearest train station and I didn’t want to walk alone. Again, I tried all my best to talk to him but it didn’t work. I just gave up and said bye. He said Ciao. And I was sitting in this bloody train for almost an hour, looked out of the window and thought:

“Oh boy, help yourself because there is no way on this planet I will travel this much for your dick.”

Oh girl, you were soo wrong…

(To be continued in the next post)

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